The truth is that, while we Welsh like to believe that it was the mountains that beat the successive invaders, it was really the weather that comes with mountains. It was the rain that defeated every invader. Yes, simple rain.
Grandfather
All this fuss over what? Is it a hill, is it a mountain? Perhaps it wouldn't matter anywhere else, but this is Wales. The Egyptians built pyramids, the Greeks built temples, but we did none of that, because we had mountains. Yes, the Welsh were created by mountains: where the mountain starts, there starts Wales. If this isn't a mountain-- well, if this isn't a mountain, then Anson might just as well redraw the border and put us all in England, God forbid.
Grandfather
In France, we dug trenches ten miles long. We took earth from here and made hills there. We moved entire fields. You wouldn't believe what we did. It's possible. It's just hard work.
Johnny Shellshocked Jones
Stop actin' so English!
Johnny Shellshocked Jones
My text for today comes from Psalm 99, Verse 9: Exalt the Lord our God, and worship at his... holy... hill.
Reverend Robert Jones
All this fuss over what? Is it a hill, is it a mountain? Perhaps it wouldn't matter anywhere else, but this is Wales. The Egyptians built pyramids, the Greeks built temples, but we did none of that, because we had mountains. Yes, the Welsh were created by mountains: where the mountain starts, there starts Wales. If this isn't a mountain-- well, if this isn't a mountain, then Anson might just as well redraw the border and put us all in England, God forbid.
Grandfather
Well I don't know the English word, but in Welsh we call it a be'chi'ngalw.
Mechanic
In France, we dug trenches ten miles long. We took earth from here and made hills there. We moved entire fields. You wouldn't believe what we did. It's possible. It's just hard work.
Johnny Shellshocked
Stop actin' so English!
Johnny Shellshocked
For some odd reason, lost in the mists of time, there's an extraordinary shortage of last names in Wales. Almost everyone seems to be a Williams, a Jones, or an Evans. To avoid widespread confusion, Welsh people often add an occupation to a name. For example, there was Williams the Petroleum, and Williams the Death. There was Jones the Bottle, and Jones the Prize Cabbage... which described his hobby and his personality. Evans the Bacon, and Evans the End of the World. But one man's name was a puzzle, and it wasn't until I was 10 years old that I asked my grandfather about the man with the longest and most enigmatic name of all.
Narrator
The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill but Came Down a Mountain? Now there's a long name for you. And a long story. You are not going to fidget, are you? For this is a story... an epic story. Yes, epic.
Grandfather
And how d'you know later?
Thomas Twp Too
But how were they measured?
Thomas Twp Too
ut who measured the first hill?
Thomas Twp Too
Well, w-we've made, um, we've made measurements with those two hills, and w-we already know the height of Newton Beacon and Whitchurch Hill...
Reginald Anson